Thoughts Unforgotten

am i mean...

Sun, 02 Sep 2007 17:47:37 GMT

After everything we've been through you'd think someone would have a little more common sense than to sleep in bed with another guy when i'm in the same building... I dont even know how to explain how this all feels except i feel guilty for doing what any one else would have done. I hate this and everything that surrounds it.

Wed, 28 Feb 2007 06:03:41 GMT

Dear God-

PLEASE help me get the job at CostCo. I'm broke and bored and i need a good job for once. Thank You In Advance

Bryan Quill
2445 Waupaca Ct.
Naperville IL.

( i figure you know where i live but i wanted to speed up the process)

two journals in a week i must have been fired...

Mon, 12 Feb 2007 07:15:58 GMT

i seriously hate not having a job. it throws everything off for me. i sleep too much, and ruin lots of good stuff in my life. i have super smelly farts rite now and its snowing and i'm really bored. AHEM! some one didn't answer my call which is sad. I would at this point just go to class for the fun of it if i actually had class on monday because sitting around is gay. Tomorrow or today... i am calling every place i applied and then if no one wants an interview i'll apply more places. I miss going bowling. Not like the wed. 1$ bowling but i miss bowling with like jessica and jordan those are always such fun nights. doing doughnuts in my truck after it snows and then u kno driving slow with my hazards on only to have jarrod say no one should be allowed in the car with me again because i'm wreckless hahaha. I cant wait for miami. simply just to lay on the beach with my sexy ass girlfriend and my good friends... and then there's always nicky and stu. I remember a long time ago like rite when me and jessica first started dating my dad walked in after i had just made my LJ and he said thats only for girls and gay guys. Can't say that i have a vagina so that must make me either gay or just weird. Yup another really smelly fart. its like a combo of onions and skunky sorta. Tomorrows gonna be another really sucky day. I'm feeling kinda sleepy its probably because there is lack of oxygen in my room due to the gas taking over.

self pity or mental break down?

Fri, 09 Feb 2007 06:40:44 GMT

so i've come to the conclusion that i'm never going to attempt to pay bills or ever even try to save money. every time i do i get screwed over. no matter what any one tells me that its a good thing that i got fired, i just wish i had the opportunity to find a new job at this point in my life. I took a chance to go to florida, i honestly dont know how i'm going to even eat down there because the trips paid for but i dont have the money to do anything. and i'm sure it'll be such a dissapointment to people but thats just the way the cookie crumbled. what really pisses me off is i poured my heart and soul into that job.i showed up rain or shine and did everything i was told and even did things that weren't even in my job description. did i ever get a raise? no. did i ever ask for one... no. the only things i ever hurd were you need to stop screwing up. hey quill did you kno that you aren't perfect and that through out an 8 hour work day with out even a 15 minuite break that you make mistakes? well let me just tell any one who decides to read this. i do make mistakes especially when you give me a ton of things to do and with the highest expectations. here's another thing dont put a 7,000 dollar computer around lots of water, its bound to get wet in a car WASH. i hurd that heather worked one day and never showed up again thats probably because its freezing cold and they want way too much out of you. congradulations you saved your self so much frustration.

things have actually been happening lately. brad and nickie broke up. poor brad, it came out of no where and nickie has been nothing but selfish about the entire thing. two parties in a row last weekend. that was insane too plus the superbowl get together. carley might be moving out which is really sad in its self.my dad lost like a ton of weight haha none of his clothes fit

i really cant help but feel bad for my self rite now. when i was at dui camp they said people actually feel like their self worth goes down when they get one because so many people get on their case and want to talk to them about how they screwed up. when they said that my throat closed up because its so true. i have so much guilt and blame riding on my shoulders. i really dont kno that i'll ever have a drop of alcohol and drive again. being my chatter box self i actually found my self at almost a total loss of words today, it bothered me alot and especially when it started getting to jessica. on my way home i started crying. i seriously have so many things that i need to work out.

Mon, 04 Dec 2006 00:13:43 GMT

why is it when things are bad they only continue to get worse. why cant a bad day just have a point where it just stops and you spend the next few hours recovering? today alreay sucked being called into work on my day off then i get off with high hopes of having fun and that cant happen then i turn to my dad to just try do something and salvage the piece of crap relationship that we have and he goes completely psycho about how bad his life is...and makes it my fault. This sunday can lick my grundle

Mon, 06 Nov 2006 03:33:10 GMT

A fresh start to make a great thing even better. We were both going to walk away from what we had... to me it only showed us how much we have. I'm really glad that were gonna bounce back from this... I never realized how amazing i really have it till i lost it... hearing the things jessica had to say to me alone made me feel so much more comfortable with my self and just life in general... things happen for a reason i guess

Tue, 31 Oct 2006 16:55:13 GMT

Lately i havn't been my self at all. It isn't anything i can help or stop i just really feel like my self esteem vanished out of no where. I feel in human, and i really dont even feel like a man at this point in my life. The emotions that i feel are few and far between and its really begining to annoy me. I dont kno what could have caused this... maybe its talking to my mom again or maybe its just the blues because winter is coming? Either way I wish i could just take a vacation and lay on a beach for like 2 weeks go out to nice restraunts for every meal of the day and forget about the world. I could go on and on but when it comes down to it i feel worthless rite now and a complete failure at life.the end

Sun, 15 Oct 2006 15:53:56 GMT

Why cant I Just Change The Way I Feel?.... Work Yesterday Sucked so bad 9 and a half hours of being over worked with no breaks and no one appreciating a single thing. Yea that blows good thing i need money more than ever i'd consider leaving there too. I cant believe i have court for the dui in 3 days. Thats something i defidently dont want to ever have to deal with. Today is the first day i havn't had anything to do in a while. I dont even want today to be like this i wanna spend it with jessica being lazy or doing random fun things like the petstore or riding bikes to get slurpies. Oh well. I cant believe i slept so late last night good thing my dad answered the phone i almost screwed up the whole night. So craigs coming into town... and he already has plans for everyone to play foot ball. And some how its all about wondering if i'll show up and there all saying how it should be me against tim "the other quill" Quill Vs.Quill how annoying. This Saterday i'm going to lunch with my mom. Its gonna be the end of our two and a half year no talking spell. I wish all my money didn't get spent so fast and on such pointless things like court costs i wanna go spend all my money on going to dinner and going to haunted houses and on new furniture and i could list like 1000 things i would love to buy and never use. Seriously who ever reads these stupid things learn from my mistake and do everything other than drive home if you've been drinking. I guess jessica was rite i had this coming, but still if i got one more warning i woulda learned i swear.... at least i think so. i dunno maybe i had to do this in order to like not kill my self or some one else later on in my life. Its defidently change my life and the way i look at alot of things. Blah... this is so repetative and so pointless no one will learn from this except me. I'm already bored and its not even 11. Today will suck.

Tue, 03 Oct 2006 14:48:52 GMT

If I Lay Here... If I Just Lay Here... Would You Lay With Me?... and Just Forget The World.
Forget What Were Told Before We Get Too Old... Show Me A Garden Thats Bursting Into Life.
All That I Am. All That I Ever Was...Is Here In Your Perfect Eyes, There All I Can See.

What A Great Song... Thats What I Would B Doing Rite Now. If I Could do anything it would be Laying With Jessica and forgetting everything except how amazing things are between us.

What A Totally Shit-Ass Way To Start My Day... I Wake up totally late realize i'm late and that i have no gas and i have to leave like rite then. I begged my dad for money to get to get to school and he just told me basically how big of a failure i am because i work all the time and i have no money... Two Thumbs Up To You! Your A Complete Idiot I Got A D.U.I..... when it finally comes my time to be a partent i'll make sure to not be a retard like him i'm doing everything i can and its still never enough thats like the worst burden to carry. Maybe in like 4 months or so i'll be cought up. That Would B Nice.

To Continue on With my Awful Day I finally get to C.O.D after an hour and ten minuits in my truck because like every light was out and my leg cramped up and i was irritabale and didn't eat breakfast cause i was late and all to go running up to class and theres a note on the door saying Campus Is Closed Till Noon For Saftey Issues.

:) .... except not at all

Can I Please Have My Luck Back???? I dont know why i have a black rain cloud hovering over me but i'd sure enjoy some sunshine... K Thanks

Ozzie Has Fleas. Poor Guy. Maybe I'll Give Him A Flea Bath Today

I'm Gonna Go Do Chores So I Dont Get Thrown Out. Awesome!

PS: This World Sucks

Fri, 15 Sep 2006 23:23:42 GMT

being increadibly sick sucks balls. i guess there is some huge virus going around so i suggest every one takes their vitamins. i didn't.... :(

Wed, 13 Sep 2006 03:05:27 GMT

So my origional goal was to write this upset... i'm in a better mood because i just got off the phone and jessica cheered me up. Today was a great day minus having a really crappy start to my day.

I'm writing this to vent and release some personal painfull feelings... dont respond to this please i dont want sympathy.

How could i be so arrogant thick skulled? To think that i was some how exempt from getting in trouble. Of all people i should kno it will catch up to you, after all i get caught for everything. It really was a long time coming but geeze i mean why couldn't i get a notice in the mail from my guardian angel and be like yo dude one more time and your gonna get busted. I woulda stopped i promise. There is a huge line of stupidity that i crossed and that i'll never escape. The ammount of personal embarrassment that i've already gone through is more than i can handle. Standing on the side of the highway touching my finger to my nose and walking the line and all that other nonsense. I dont think any one really knows but i promise you the price you will pay wont be worth the outcome. My god sleep in the grass annoy every person you ever met looking for a ride do what ever it takes just dont drive. Maybe i'm lucky after all i always say everything happens for a reason. For all I know god set it up for me to have a dui so that i wasn't somewhere so that i could go on living the good life that i've grown used to living. I'm so nervous to actually go stand before a judge and the states attorney and tell them that i did drink and drive and that I did risk my girlfriends life... holy crap i never realized they are gonna tell me that it was attempted vehicular man slaughter... PLEASE who ever reads this dont drink and drive shit if i still have my license just call me i'll come get you where ever it is just give me gas money. I dont kno what else to say other than my life is not what it used to be. I've learned some hard lessons lately and it really is true that I learn the hard way.

I have no hard feelings. i blame no one but my self, all i ask is that every one at least learns from this. I will beat any one senseless that trys to drink and drive after witnessing what i'm going through. I wish i just learned from all the times before when jessica begged me to not drive.

Sat, 09 Sep 2006 19:46:09 GMT

I Love DUI's... not

Thu, 31 Aug 2006 13:45:30 GMT

haha whoops i slept through class... the funny part was we were joking around about me making sure i didn't do this today! i dunno i guess i was way behind on sleep cause i never get to sleep in any more... ohh well

Mon, 28 Aug 2006 16:51:56 GMT

I'm Home Early!

Gotta love rain??? except i need money so i dont kno if this is a good thing or not. Spotless express is ok i guess its got its ups and downs like every job. My window has been broken up so some guy from dodge came and picked it up from my work and gave me a mini-van... sweet not. I'm just glad to have something to drive. I dont kno what i'm gonna do today the day's still young!

So i'm now 20 years old and it feels exactly the same as 19. In fact it feels exactly like it was to go from 18 to 19...growing up sucks because the older you get the crappier people treat you and become around you. My dads been a homo lately trying to kick me out and charge me if i take a shower too long??? F him! Oh yea so me and jessica's birthday party at my house was pretty much ruined because of james getting wasted and driving off and what not. My dad ended the party like rite after that happened... the only thing good about the night was having jessica to cuddle up with. Umm so yea wojo took my bonfire pit with out asking... me and jessica celebrated our 11 month like a week ago. 1 year is coming up fast i dont kno what we should do or what i'm gonna get her but its gonna be good. Jordan gott jessica 2 hampsters that we bought from meijer at like midnight or somethin.. haha it was a good time tho but i ended up loosing one of them 2 days ago... i felt awful we tore her room apart and jordans room and closets and the bathroom alittle bit and we ended up going to niu that night and got a call later. Jarrod found it under his bed like really late. That was a relief... especially cause jessica wasn't mad at me any more. I took her to On the Border the next night for fun and cause she really wanted it and i wanted to make up for being retarded.

Other random stuff lately Jessica made me 2 word searches which were awsum.
I have tar all over my truck that wont come off...
Kyle has mono- he probalby got it from making out with guys
I'm Getting 20's For my Truck!

Sun, 13 Aug 2006 14:33:31 GMT

So alots happened lately... NOT! this summer has become extremely boring umm the last thing i can remember doing is having people over at my house a while back that was some good times. Umm other than that i've just been working at petsmart for like the last month and i'm going to be quitting and starting at spotless express. Jessica and her family brought me to the wisconsin dells. It really was a nice time. I dont know how i'm going to get into classes now... and my dad is threatening to throw me out or charge me alot of money to stay at home? He makes no sense! GRR. Yesterday we went to the pool and tanned and then i headed home so she could get ready for her neighbors graduation party. When i got home i chilled with my dad and tina for a while. I talked to jessica and planned on gettin ready and goin there. SO in like 40 minuits i got ready ate dinner and managed to go for a ride with wojo on his new motorcycle. We were doin like 102 down 95th street hahaha it was nuts. Probably not too smart tho. I have driving school on the 16th that should be exciting oh wait no it wont! there's a funeral for someone in my family but i wont b goin cause i'm sick of those and i'm tired of thinking about death and life and everything besides we all kno i think way too much as it is i dont feel like over analyzing that rite now. Today i may possibly go to the mall and possibly see that new movie Twin Towers or what ever its called. Aright jessica's birthday is in 6 days and i dont kno what to get her. I plan on spending a ton of money but i dont know what to get her and our one year is a month behind that so then i gotta come up with another expensive gift then. i dont kno what to do???? i'm sure i'll figure it out but yea. This has been my first update in like close to a month i think... no one writes in these.

Wed, 02 Aug 2006 01:17:13 GMT

So there's been alot of fighting this last week or so and it's finally come to an end. Jessica dumped me last night. She also called me back and we worked everything out... we went to the pool today and just hung out in 4 Lakes for the most of the day. Earlier today i went to ikea with rojas to help him get furniture. Yesterday i spend the day with wojo and james. we sanded a boat and did a movie night turned out to be a really nice day. Petsmart is pretty cool even tho i havn't worked all week i work thursday friday saterday. I hope somethings going on tonight... its seriously been way too long since people actually did stuff that is or called us.

Tue, 18 Jul 2006 22:24:21 GMT

today was unlike any day i've ever had. i'm far from perfect and i plan on making improvements to better those around me. its amazing... the things that love will make you do, things that you could never see your self doing happen and you dont regret them even the slightest bit. i'm looking forward to the next 4 days

Wed, 28 Jun 2006 21:02:00 GMT

I dont think i could be any more sincere when i say this. There is nothing that more that i could ask for rite now if my dads problems would just not be so severe. He has like tons of medical problems rite now and is like a few steps from bankruptcy. I need to stop being such a gay and get a job. I cant believe carleys gonna be gone in like 2 months... times flying by people are getting old. I'm just glad i have the few things i treasure in this life otherwise it would seem alot worse. I was not happy last night but as the night went on it seemed to work its self out.

Way To Go Fag

Sat, 24 Jun 2006 06:22:11 GMT

My dad is such a jeark. i get home from like the sweetest day alive and he starts talking to me cause he was upset about him and tina. being the son i am even tho i wanted sleep i listened. all a sudden it turns into an insult marathon for me and he tells me that if him and tina were to get married he would have to give them everything we have so therefor he's going to cut us off on basically everything... why is this because there dating and yea.. my question is what are her kids going to loose or give up? WTF! i'm so upset rite now i wanna beat the crap out of someone. yea so way to go take your bad mood out on me stupid idiot. then he dumped my lemonaid out GAY!!!

Thu, 22 Jun 2006 17:45:13 GMT

WEll lemme tell ya... times are different. Me and jessica have been dating 9 months now. I cant believe how great things are at this point. So Indiana Beach Tomorrow I'm Really Excited. Mini Golf again today that should be really sweet too. Yesterday we did some shopping for dadlers place and we stained a shelf for it. Suprisingly no mario party even tho we were gonna. Ha ha jordan was gay and took my piece of pizza so when he wasn't looking i took all his chicken fry's... he got all moody and dumped a glass of water on the ground i made him new ones. But yea sooo funny. I need to shave today, thats for sure. I still dont know where were going for dinner. I need to finish my book, "Master of The Game" its really amazing probably one of the best books i've ever read. Tomorrow there's a party. Sunday more decorating. ok i'm freaking starving i gotta find food.

Sat, 17 Jun 2006 18:45:12 GMT

Things have been so busy lately... its suprising because i dont even have a job and there hasn't been one day where i havn't been on the go doin sumthin. I do need to work on getting a job soon. Umm as far back as i can remember was about steves party. That night was really sweet minus some one making a kodak moment out of jessicas butt hangin out. I really did flip out but at the same time i didn't do anything wrong. Stu was there... it was really weird having him around cause him and jessica were a thing a long time ago. Just goes to show ya nice guys dont always finish last. Umm lately tho i've just been doing lots of yard work and going to the pool and hangin out.. MARIO PARTY! even tho i get robbed all the time hahaha but its still amazing fun. We played last night after an awsum night of mini golfing and buffalo wild wings. Oh yea jessica had to get rid of her loaner... how sad. She really loved that car if i somehow became a millionair i'd buy her an escape... but that wont be happening so no escape. Umm what else havn't baked brownies in a few days... gotta use up that monster box that my dad bought. Did some 2 am shoppin at jewel the other night and yea other than that its just been good old random times seein people and bein with my baby. -Quill

UPDATE: So yea i got my 8th ticket this is just great i dont have the money for this at all... and i may loose my license. I WASN'T even Speeding it was for going over a stupid curb. What a Fag For A Cop...

My Dad Is A Raging Homo!@

Thu, 08 Jun 2006 00:58:27 GMT

I dont understand why my dad cant understand the simple concept that me and my sister dont want his girlfriend and her family at every family event i mean they've been dating what 3 months... TOPS probably like 2 and a half or less. They make every clingy couple look like nothing. Ok so carleys turning 18 on sunday... her party is on saterday. Tina took over and is organizing everything for her b-day which i dont think carley minds i dont mind and my dad defidently appreciates it cause he doesn't have the time of day to plan anything. The problem is the day after is her actual birtday all carley wants is one hour to sit and eat with me and my dad and my dad flips out on her and says that not only her but both of us are selfish because we dont want to accept her kids. DUDE lemme break it to ya this isn't a simple or non emotional thing for us. I may be being over dramatic but i'm so freaking annoyed that he cant just not be a doshe bag... oh yea he called me that it was funny hearing him say it. He throws everything nice he does for us back in our faces like its a bribe or something. Tell me i'm not crazy but even a normal family that hasn't been divorced spends time apart like the dad will take the kids out to the zoo or somethin not long just a few hours. How does he expect this to work... he threatened to go to vegas and get married i told him to get a prenuptual agreement. he got mad. I'm not even in a bad mood i just want to write this down so i could get some imput from friends... what do u think i mean are we selfish bad kids or is he just a faggit? - Bryan

Pepper Spray Isn't Fun To Breathe

Wed, 31 May 2006 22:42:53 GMT

I dont even remember whats happened lately. Last weekend was cool we went to dan sitlers house for the second time. It was pretty fun. Umm this week has been not too bad, went swimming twice watched 40 year old virgin last night Umm i'm like rambling last weekend we had to watch jordan so i brought brownies and we just chilled. Umm sunday carley graduated that was super exciting haha it brought back alot of memories tho. Carley and my dad got in a huge fight today she got slapped and stuff not good. So i spent a majority of my afternoon trying to make her feel better Umm then i watched tv and talked to my dad and yea i'm writing this. Oh i picked up carleys gratuation present for my dad but shhhh no one knows that. Today was jessica's last day of school. Its exciting for multiple reasons because now my summer will be alot better. I gotta agree with heathers lj the from the other day. People really dont write in their LJ's at all any more. OH so yea more random ideas/memories i forget what day it was but me and jessica took random pictures with my digital camera for a while it was really funny and we fell asleep and she went home late. I think that night was sunday? Yea cause we had a BBQ for carley. We had awsum hot dogs the hamburgers sucked. Tina bought me two cases of beer haha umm Yea lots of family drama. I have to take our powerwasher to the mechanic tomorrow so the fence can get painted. Ok this is way random and all over the place so i'm gonna stop now.
-War In.

If I had A Switch I'd Turn It Off.

Mon, 22 May 2006 20:16:57 GMT

I think too much. That really is just who I am tho, Wishing is an understatement on how often i wish that it would change. Some people have to sit down and force their thoughts to break through the surface on how they feel for example how someone would write in a diary or something. My Head Spins all day long. The only break i get from it is while sleeping or if I were to get drunk. I dont really require to drink that much anymore. I wish i didn't want to kno the answers to everything and question everything people say. I dont mean to offend or be obnoxious thats just me. Truthfully if i dont ask then i'm left uncomfortable. My diary is in my head and i'm constantly taking notes on life. I'm my own worst critic, what I know is this problem will be worked on till its gone.

Today is Jessica and My 8 month. For some reason its always meant so much to me to make it to the eight month mark ands here. This last month felt like a week. We spent eight hours painting yesterday. Quality time spent that i wouldn't trade for anything. I think the reason eight months has always been so anticipated is because most people dont make it till this point. Most likely because along with all the good the bad becomes apparent. This summer will be interesting because basically every one is dating and the possibilitys are endless.

UPDATE: Wojo Mowed a Penis In My Front Lawn...

I Wanted You To Kno... That I Love The Way You Laugh

Sat, 20 May 2006 18:48:59 GMT

So i told my work there was a wedding today so i couldn't come in. The truth is there is a wedding i'm just not there haha. So Far I Walked Ozzie That was aright. i bumped into wojo on the way back and he said we were gonna hang out for a while but he never called me and when i did he said he'd call me in an hour its been like 2. Every one else is at the sox game. Basically Today Sucks So Far...

Yesterday Was Fun Painting I really Enjoyed it. After painting me and jessica took jordan to see "Over The Hedge" seriously worth seeing. I'm Eating Mustard Pretzles And Listening to ICP hahaha. So the crappiest night of sleep goes to last night cause carleys friends wouldn't shut up. You'd think at 5:30am you'd want to sleep? Hah oh well there's bigger problems in the world. I'm Out Later